Field of Pete: AKA, That Orange Lazarus Episode

I love Pete & Pete but I'm not a gushing fan of every episode. Maybe a better explanation is, I can now appreciate all episodes for what they are and what they were trying to achieve, but when the episode originally aired I wrote it off as a less than good episode. Season 2 Episode 2 "Field of Pete" is one of these episodes for me. It's a "sports" episode - not something I cared about at all as a kid.

In college, when I got the second season on DVD, I once again was not pleased with Field of Pete. This time I could get passed the baseball theme, but the plot just simply didn't make any sense to me. Now revisiting the episode over ten years later, I am more understanding of what the episode was trying to convey, even if there are some parts that don't completely gel.


S2 E2 - Air date: September 11, 1994

Big Pete is in a summertime, teenage, home town baseball league. I don't know how else to describe it, since it's not little league because they're too old, and it's also not affiliated with the local high school. Big Pete explains in his narration that he loves baseball, but he's never been on a winning team. This year he's on The Prosthetics (since it's sponsored by a prosthetics company, making their mascot a baseball player with several additional fake limbs).

It's a subtle detail that hard to catch. This is the best shot I could capture.

With a new manager, Mr. Ed Narrins (played by Nick Wyman) the team is doing incredibly well.

Ed Narrins is a severe man in a suit and hat who watches the games from his drivers seat, coaching from a megaphone, and ordering players who make errors to wash his car. He's got the persona of a G-Man crossed with a mob boss; he's rigid and seemingly dangerous. Like an ex-con he has "JUST WIN" tattooed on his knuckles.

Pete is happy about being a winner for once. After every game, the winning team gets to have free slushies from the Slush Shack. Ellen, ever the industrious entrepreneur, works as an apprentice to slush-master Bob Oppenheimer (played by Paul Lazar).

The boys get to have whatever flavor they desire, such as Lime Balthazar or Grape Judas, but Ed Narrins emerges from his car to ask for one flavor and one flavor only: an Orange Lazarus.

From the start the drink creates tension. It seems to be an Orange Julius style frozen drink. No big deal right? Wrong. Bob Oppenheimer does not want Mr. Narrins to have this beverage.

Oppenheimer calmly reminds Narrins that the Lazarus is not free with the promotion. He turns away as if Narrins would take no for an answer.

"Slush money." Narrins barks. He flicks a wad of bills at Oppenheimer. If it's not free, then money is no issue.

Oppenheimer is still not alright with this, but gives him the drink anyway.

Ellen asks Oppenheimer about the mysterious drink, since it's not on the menu. He tells her that he created the Orange Lazarus long ago, searching for beauty and perfection. Instead he made a drink so sweet and so cold, it was a "hedonistic nectar of greed and power." Oppenheimer warns that the drink is evil. "It's too tempting, too delicious - too cold. You think you drink it - oh no - it drinks you."

Clearly slushmaster Oppenheimer is a reference to J. Robert Oppenheimer, father of the atomic bomb; a man who later expressed his regrets for inventing this tool of death. The references are all over this episode, from the name "Oppenheimer" to the nuclear symbols on the machines, and some later quotes in the episode.
 

Mr. Narrins declares Orange Lazarus for everyone to raucous applause. Oppenheimer shouts, "what about the brain freeze!?!" The Orange Lazarus is so cold it can shut down your central nervous system in 1.2 seconds. Mr. Narrins only seems to be happy when he's drinking one. Big Pete says, "Some say he needed the subarctic cold to replenish the ice water that coursed through his veins."

There are two things I don't understand about this situation. One, brain freeze is terrible, why would you want to subject yourself to it?  They make it sound like the brain freeze is so extreme it's beyond pain. It's like a drug somehow. I can write it off as some kind of surreal concept that it somehow feels good to Mr. Narrins. The second issue is, if Oppenheimer thinks the drink is dangerous, why on earth does he still make it? Why does he still have the machine? Why does he have the ingredients? Why does he still have branded cups? Why doesn't he just tell Mr. Narrins that they don't sell it anymore? These questions are not answered.

The Prothetics are on a roll. They're constantly winning, and this seems to be attributed to Narrins strict style of coaching and the motivation for free slushies. Mr. Narrins is obsessed with winning, and drinking Orange Lazarus - even though these don't really have a direct correlation. His team doesn't have to win in order to get one, because the Orange Lazarus is not part of the free package, and Narrins is willing to pay for it every time anyway.

Teddy Foresman (played by David Martel) infects the majority of the Prosthetics after his parents make him get a flu shot (that's not really how that works...). Since the best players were calling out sick, the winning streak comes to a close. But Mr. Narrins comes up with a plan.
He talks to his cup of good old Lazarus, "Puny humans. I will make you proud of me, Lazarus."

Another great vanity plate for the Sideburn State

Narrins takes on another teammate to even things out. Little Pete joins the Prosthetics to sit on the bench and psych out all the opposing batters. Big Pete calls him "the Ty Cob of trash talk."

The batters strike out while Little Pete shouts gems at them like, "Hey batter batter! Sebaceous bloody sputum eater!"

And the pitchers are given the same treatment when the Prosthetics are up to bat. Sometimes Little Pete doesn't even have to hurl creative insults, just shout things that imply he knows about someone's deep dark secrets:

"Hot lather machine! Woo woo wee, genius!"

The curse seemed to be lifted. But Big Pete was beginning to feel like Narrins' approach to winning wasn't right. In Pete's opinion it was destroying baseball.

At the Slush Shack, Big Pete decides to tactfully confront Mr. Narrins while he pesters Oppenheimer for another Lazarus. After telling Narrins that he thinks their tactics are unsportsmanlike, Narrins basically tells Pete that he's one to talk. Everything Pete knows about baseball, he's learned from Narrins. With a threatening tone Narrins warns Pete that he took him from nothing to greatness. "I made you what you are, and you turned on me!" Narrins gives his final word, "Just win, baby." as he retreats to his icy fantasy.

Big Pete tries to walk away from that conversation convincing himself that Mr. Narrins was right. He repeats the phrase, "Just win, baby" to himself over and over agin.
 
Then, Pete's friend Bill Korn (played by Rick Barbarette - a series regular and fixture of Big Pete's friend group) is up to bat on the opposing team.

He knows Little Pete could destroy him. Big Pete says that word got out Little Pete had something on Bill that was so bad his family would have to move and change their name. Bill cracks immediately. Little Pete didn't have to say anything, just stare.

Bill announces, "I ate snot once! It was at the movie theater candy counter. I thought it was imitation butter topping!" The crowd is in stunned silence as he walks off the plate.

Little Pete smirks. Another one bites the dust.

Big Pete confronts Little Pete about the heckling. He tries to explain that baseball should be won fair and square by the team that plays the best game, not by hurling insults. Little Pete warns his older brother that if he tries to stop him, "I'll tell everyone why Mom doesn't let you buy lard anymore."

This shuts up Big Pete real fast. Meanwhile, Teddy Foresman is belligerently drunk off of Orange Lazarus, shouting "Buzz off Slushenheimer!" to Bob Oppenheimer while he warns Teddy to take it easy.

Later Teddy would have a brain freeze induced seizure, causing Oppenheimer to come to his aid and declare "I am become Slushmaster, destroyer of brains." based on the famous Oppenheimer quote, "Now I am become Death, destroyer of worlds."

Big Pete is torn. He loves that they're winning, but doesn't want to win dirty like this. I understand the conflict, but it is still not fully clear how the Orange Lazarus fits in. It may have been intended to be a B-plot that pays off in the end, but the importance of the drink keeps being highlighted, and the story behind it is much more mysterious and dynamic than that of Little Pete and Big Pete's morality tale. This is the moment where Big Pete realizes he can use the slush to save baseball.

Just as Oppenheimer is about to take an ax to his machine (and Ellen is trying to stop him because... reasons?) Big Pete burst in and tells Oppenheimer he needs 20 gallons of Orange Lazarus made for the championship game, as cold as he can make it.

Oppenheimer is reluctant at first, but Pete convinces him that he has a plan to save baseball with it. With Ellen's help, Oppenheimer sets the machines to extra frosty.

Oppenheimer: "It's madness."           Ellen: "So be it."

At the championship game, Little Pete is working his magic. We see him with a poster board presentation on an easel obstructed from our view. To the pitcher, "That is how you turn a colt into a geld."  The pitcher calmly throws a pitch, and the ball goes straight into the parking lot. 

Then, Oppenheimer and Ellen arrive at the field. Lazarus for all! Narrins is upset and confused about the disruption of the game. Big Pete immediately steps in and joyfully explains that they should take a break to sip some extra frosty Orange Lazarus.

At first Narrins calls this action unsportsmanlike, but then acquiesces and says "An empty chalice is a lonely chalice."

Little Pete is smart thought, and he accuses Big Pete of trickery. He makes Big Pete take the first sip. He might have faked the sip, insisting that it's good and cold. Soon the whole team has gathered around to drink. But the brain freeze is particularly bad with this batch.

 

With a fun house mirror camera lens, and music to match, the team is in a disoriented, brain-fried, stupor.

 

Narrins can't even get back into his car.  

Little Pete is too incapacitated to heckle. This allows the opposing team, Lincoln, to gain more runs, leading to a  tie with two outs in the bottom of the 9th. Big Pete calls a time out and gathers his team to strategize like real ball players.

Big Pete explains to Little Pete that they can play real baseball now, they don't need his "help." Narrins storms over and cuts deep into Big Pete, "I always knew you were a loser, but this is treason!" Narrins encourages Little Pete to lay into Big Pete with an insult, or something worse.

Little Pete smirks, "Who knew a spoonful of lard could be so explosive!" This is either a diarrhea joke or a masturbation joke. I'm going to lean toward masturbation, unless Big Pete has this undying love for eating lard that even diarrhea wont stop. If you recall, the secret is that Mom won't let Big Pete buy lard anymore. I mean, really, if something gives you diarrhea, why would you need someone else to actively prevent you from consuming it? Diarrhea is not fun - but you know what, neither is having brain freeze, yet here we are.

Big Pete is stalwart. "If you destroy me, you destroy baseball, the game that I love." After a stare-down, Little Pete turns on Narrins. All he has to do is say a few phrases to sufficiently freak him out.

"Gravy boat..... Elementary backstroke..... Maybe we should ask the squeezey salesman."
It's nonsensical, but it means something to Narrins, enough to get him stammering and backing away. "That wont be necessary." he says, and leaves like he killed someone once.

Narrins turns to grab the tub of Orange Lazarus. He speaks to it like a sentient being, "My frosty friend, our chariot awaits." He shouts back at Oppenheimer, "Lazarus will rise again Slushmaster!"

Oppenheimer retorts, "It is over Narrins and you know it!" letting him leave in disgrace.

Narrins runs away, pathetic and panicked. He seat-belts the tub into his car and drives away. Big Pete narrates that no one ever saw him again, and some people think he drove till the Lazarus ran out. 

The game had yet to be finished, but without Narrins poisoning the game of baseball, the boys were able to play on their own terms, "Not on the things that you say, but the things that you do."
In the end the Prosthetics lost the championship but Big Pete says that he still didn't feel like a failure.
He declares that him and his little brother saved the game of baseball that day. "As Usual" by Polaris plays out the episode.

Despite my mixed feelings about Field of Pete, it is a fan favorite, and you can't deny the iconography of the fictional Orange Lazarus. I made a T-shirt of the logo in college (among other designs based on Pete and Pete) and I currently have an enamel pin for sale in my Etsy shop, Slushenminer.

My Orange Lazarus T-shirt design. Maybe I'll bust out the ole silkscreen if anyone wants one...

PINS! Buy them HERE !

Please check out my shop, and keep tuning in for more Pete & Pete reviews this summer.