Oh yeah, and he's called Pit Stain because he has really bad pit stains and he smells.
Pit Stain's glandular problem might be the grossest and most accurate portrayal of how puberty can turn you into a monster. Pit Stain is constantly defending his natural body, and you would feel bad for him if he wasn't always trying to dunk on Little Pete. What better stage for this drama to play out than a middle school dance.
I remember watching this episode back when it aired. I was in the 3rd grade, and 3 years away from my first dance, (the 6th grade dance at my elementary school, where 25 of us stood around in a brightly lit gym and danced to Kid Rock and Usher. And also cried, because drama). I know what constitutes as middle school in the US varies, but mine was 7th-8th grade, and we had a dance every month. I went to 18 dances in 2 years, not including the 8th grade semi-formal. I asked around, and apparently that's kind of a lot, so I'm glad I got a healthy dose of the dance.
(Side story! The owner of the DJ company that played at my wedding was the DJ at all my middle school dances. He was the principle's son, and he was about 16 then, honing his DJ craft. It turned out to be a life long passion and now he runs a successful business! I found him completely by chance, and after talking we realized our connection. Small world!)
Anyway, I remember being excited that in this episode there would be a cameo by Larisa Oleynik, which was a gimmick to promote Snick and The Secret World of Alex Mack.
There were parts of the episode that really grossed me out, specifically those involving floor wax (I'll explain later). I had to stop eating my pizza half way through. Also the pizza was super wet from being re-heated in the microwave. From that day forward I always reheated pizza in the toaster oven.
You will notice that this episode is the source of Little Pete and Nona's opening title shots for this season.
Disclaimer: It was quite difficult to capture screen shots from this episode. A DVD was never released of Season 3, so I only have ripped .mp4 files from 2007. They're pixelated on top of the fact that this episode has a lot of quick cuts, movement, and erratic and dim lighting. It is about a school dance after all!
Dance Fever
S3 E5 - Air Date: November 5, 1995
Little Pete's tattoo of mysterious origin, Petunia, is the only part of him that dances. Her abilities were established early on in the life of the show; Big Pete explains that Petunia can perform twenty-five sacred dances, and can do the Leningrad Slide.
However, Little Pete does not dance, and has avoided it successfully so far. Now that Little Pete is in middle school, his first school dance is upon him. Even though his fearlessness "was legendary in three galaxies" dancing in front of his peers is Little Pete's kryptonite.
The Wrigley family as whole, has no issues with busting a move. Pete's mom and dad dance around the living room to give him some pointers. While they express how easy it is, and there's nothing to be ashamed of, Little Pete protests that he would be the laughingstock of the whole school. Dad insists that Pete needs to be a true Wrigley, "show some backbone" and go to the dance.
Little Pete desperately needs a way out. No one will give him a break to sit out his first middle school dance. Plenty of people have tried to get out of school dances, but "according to 3 medical journals" Little Pete was the first to do so by chugging 15 gallons of creamed corn.
After being rushed to the hospital, Little Pete is met at the emergency room by a nurse, played by Larisa Oleynik. With cat eye glasses, and traditional nurse uniform, she looks like a nurse from Mad Men, the other TV show she later starred in.
She gives an encouraging word to Little Pete, and says "Creamed corn is no answer." as if he just tried to commit suicide.
Mom says it's too bad he can't go to the dance. He seems to be free and clear. Little Pete has his stomach pumped, and actually gets to keep his glowing jar of "gut fludge." It glows green like some kind of radioactive material.
Of course Pete's best friend, Nona Mecklenburg, has to see it. She's disappointed that Pete is too infirm to go to the dance. She could use some help since her dad will be chaperoning, and he wants her to dance with him.
Nona's dad is played by Iggy Pop. We get a shot of him spastically dancing while doing yard work, as Nona presents Pete with the evidence that her dad will absolutely embarrass her.
"Don't they have laws against that?"
Nona gets an idea for Pete to come to the dance so they can make money off of his gut juice. "Your gut fludge, it's so freaky." They could sell it as a carnival style peep show for a $1.00 per look. This way Pete's there to occupy Nona, keeping her dad from her, and Pete can make his appearances without being expected to dance. It was the perfect plan.
"Swear there will be no dancing?"
"Swear on a pile on beating hearts!"
Pete is in.
With Dad in the passenger seat, Big Pete drives Little Pete, Nona, and Kreb Scout Monica to the dance. It's clear Big Pete's still learning to drive, and Dad says not to worry about hitting that old dog.
As kids are filing into the gym, Big Pete catches the eyes of a beautiful older woman who gives him a little smile. I mean, she's not that old, maybe in her early 20's, possibly a high school senior, but not a middleschooler, so it's cool. Intrigued, Pete leaves the car and tells Dad he'll be back later.
Inside the dance, Little Pete and Nona try to make it across the dance floor to the locker room and set up shop. On the way there, they see Monica is getting dressed in wooden shoes and a flower head dress. It's very Midsommar-looking, but with no specific country cited, Monica explains that she's going for her Ethnic Dance Merit Badge.
Ms. Burnbawer the school principle edges her way into their conversation, applauds Monica's dedication and obedience to the Kreb Scouts, and warns Little Pete to stay out of trouble.
Nona's dad shimmies into frame, and Pete makes it clear Nona is "on duty" for a big project. Mr. Mecklenberg accepts and lets them go ahead with the promise he would be looking for a dance later.
Nona and Pete go to the snack table to get some Peanut Wedgies.
The vendors behind the table are bully henchmen Drawstring and Hairnet, kids dressed in a hoodie sweatshirt with the hood on tight, and a girl wearing a hairnet and a formal dress over a long sleeve t-shirt, respectively. They charge a $1.00 tax on top of the regular price, a cost that Nona and Pete think is outrageous. Hairnet says it's the "not getting beaten up tax."
Drawstring says if they have any issues they should talk to their manager, and he summons a new bully to the Adventures of Pete and Pete cast.
Pit Stain comes forward and insists the taxes be paid. Little Pete spouts one of his patented insults, "Lick my forehead arm grip!"
Little Pete was the one who gave Pit Stain, aka Fran Jones, his nick name. Fran has never forgiven him. Pit Stain suffers from an over active sweat glad, and his wardrobe of white t-shirts makes this abundantly clear.
"Sweating is the sign of a functioning and healthy body! Something you won't have for much longer." Pit Stain threatens. Drawstring and Hairnet grab Pete for his punishment.
Nona breaks it up and hands over the money. Pit Stain, demurring, and asks Nona for a dance. It's clear he has a crush on her. Maybe this is why the tensions are high between him and Little Pete.
Nona says, "I'd rather be deep friend in armpit sweat!" and storms off.
As Pete and Nona make their way out of the gym, their friend Wayne arrives.
He's over-dressed in a light blue leisure suit. Usually Wayne (The Pain) has a hopeless lack of self awareness. Tonight is no exception, but he has taken on a very slick persona at this dance, and suddenly has the hots for Monica. He thinks there's something different about her that's enchanting him. Little Pete and Nona don't understand his new emotions; they explain that there's nothing different about Monica. Wayne says, "Nah, nah, nah. She's all... folk-a-delic."
Nona and Pete leave Wayne to woo Monica.
Big Pete enters the gym, searching for the girl who glanced at him in the parking lot. She's Gabby Glaser of the band Luscious Jackson!
I think I had a vague understanding of who Luscious Jackson was at the time. I don't remember if I knew who they were when I first saw this episode, or if I later had an epiphany that they were the band at the school dance. Their song "Naked Eye" is one of those "you'd know it if you heard" it songs from the 90's. I got into their album Fever In Fever Out when I was in high school, and I still really enjoy their funky, mello, dark sound.
Fever In Fever Out was released in 1996, soon after this musical cameo. The album they had out at the time of this episode was Natural Ingredients, off of which they performed "Angel", "Pele Merengue", and "Here." They also play "Satellite" off their 1992 EP In Search of Manny.
I always thought Gabby was the bassist, because often lead singers play guitar and supporting musicians play bass, and I wasn't really paying attention. She actually plays guitar and lead singer Jill Cunniff plays bass. Huh.
Mr. Glatner steps in to greet a distracted and determined Pete. We will see Mr. Glatner again later in the season as the wrestling coach in Pinned!, which was reviewed in the previous installment of my Pete and Pete bully series. In this episode, Mr. Glatner introduces himself to Pete as his old 4th grade gym teacher. As Pete tries to leave the conversation by quite literally ducking and dodging, Mr. Glatner insists on regaling him with a story about Pete's excellent skills at Monster Ball (I did not know what this was and had to look it up to see if it was real. It is, and it's specifically a P.E. education sport).
At this point, kids are lining up to see Little Pete's gut fludge.
It's a similar MacGuffin to the glowing briefcase in Pulp Fiction, a film that came out the previous year.
With all the kids spending their money on the fludge, they aren't visiting Pit Stain's bake sale. It seems like this is a personal endeavor from the way he reacts to their lack of sales, but I think normally the food sold at a typical dance goes back to the school or a fundraiser for a class trip. In any case, Pit Stain is very upset about the empty cash box.
Hairnet explains that the gut fludge is very popular. "You gotta see it, I went twice."
Pit Stain swears he'll put a stop to it. After accidentally barging in on Ms. Burnbawer in the bathroom,
Pit Stain finally finds Little Pete and grabs him forcefully out of the stall.
In the struggle, Nona pleads with Pit Stain to stop, and offers him a dance if he leaves Pete alone. Pit Stain is unphased; he says he thought she would have danced with him regardless.
As Drawstring and Hairnet tighten their grip on Pete, the jar of fludge comes free from Pete's hands in the commotion, and flies across the room.
The kids all stare in disbelief, Pete looks defeated. He knows this cash cow and his exemption from the dance floor are finished.
Ms. Burnbawer passes by and tells Pete to clean up. When Nona offers to help, she makes Nona go back to the dance, since her dad has been looking everywhere for her. Ms. Burnbawer is also wise to Pit Stain's treatment of Little Pete, and she warns that if he lays his hands on Pete, "you'll spend more time in my class than the linoleum!"
Ms. Burnbawer makes the mistake of looking directly at the mess. She gawks at it, and a deflated Pete says, "That will cost you a dollar." She obliges and turns in disgust.
At this point Pit Stain and his crew congregate at his locker, where he has some kind of computer that will look up records on any student. Clearly this bully knows how to use the school system against people.
While typing furiously away, as you do when you are searching through a computer system with no monitor, Big Pete happens upon the scene and watches.
A report on Little Pete prints out. I wish the quality of the video were better so I could see the words clearly, but at least we know that Little Pete is ambidextrous and was born under the sun of Gemini.
This report also lists Pete's known fears. What this information is meant for I can only imagine, but Pit Stain will use it only for evil. Listed for them to see, is "dancing."
Pit Stain proclaims that Pete better get ready to boogie, because "I'm the boogie man!" So evil! Very Bond villain-y.
Big Pete breaks it to Little Pete that Pit Stain knows about his dance phobia.
He suggests there's another way Little Pete can solve this; just try dancing anyway.
Little Pete protests, "They'll laugh, I'll look like a pud!" As he scrubs at the floor he says, "The only moving I'm doing is out of here, like a beef belch, as soon as I'm done."
Big Pete makes sure to mention to be careful with the floor wax, "One spoonful can turn this place into a skating rink." I wonder how that will affect the plot later?
Meanwhile, Monica is continuing to work towards earning her merit badge while keeping one step away from Wayne.
Wayne is persistent and patient.
Nona is also avoiding her dad with any excuse.
Big Pete is finally able to focus on meeting Gabby Glaser. "I didn't know her name, but I was heading to her like a meteor towards the sun." And they don't give you a name either. On the IMDB page for this episode it doesn't list any member of Luscious Jackson. So we don't even get "Girl In Band" or "As Self." It might be shown differently on another official list, but IMDB is normally the most thorough source.
Pete's hard eye contact with Gabby is interrupted by Mrs Goucher, "your mom's friend."
She asks Pete to dance with her daughter, Melinda. "Can you show her a step?" Melinda looks shy, and she's wearing a prom dress, corsage and tiara. Suddenly she breaks into a wild, uninhibited dance.
Pete tries to follow along with her, but he is not into it. Gabby gives a frown of disapproval.
This part always bothered me. My first interpretation of that look on Gabby's face is that she's upset with Pete's embarrassed reaction to this poor girl, and disappointed that he's not cool enough to just go with the flow and be comfortable with himself.
A worse interpretation would be she is disappointed that he's a dweeb dancing with a social outcast. That would look bad for Gabby and we wouldn't want to root for her (although I can totally see Pete being like, yeah I'm sorry I was hanging out with that weird girl, do you forgive me?)
But it's revealed later that she's simply disappointed he's dancing with someone else. They haven't even spoken a word to each other yet, and she's already jealous and mad at him? It's a little far fetched to me, and maybe not the right message for the theme of this episode. I kind of like mine better.
Once Little Pete is done scrubbing up his medical waste, he's met in the hallway by Pit Stain. He reveals to Pete that he knows his secret, and is going to use it against him.
One of the best lines delivered on this show by Pit Stain:
"Dancing is so easy. You just get out there and ruin your life."
Little Pete runs into a janitor's closet. Pit Stain pulls out a welding torch to break the lock.
Wayne plops himself down next to a forlorn Mr. Mecklenburg. They talk about their lack of dance partners.
Wayne explains that he's just waiting for the right song before he goes out onto the dance floor, "Something special for me and my girl." This gives Mr. Mecklenburg an idea. Cool Wayne whispers an encouraging, "Rock on."
Mr. Mecklenburg makes his way across the stage and stops the band. He tells the crowd that the dance is nearing the end and he wants to send a message to his "little pookie" Nona. Maybe she will give him one lousy dance?
Nona is stunned with embarrassment as the band starts to play a schmaltzy slow song.
Iggy Pop does a great job singing this song, which is out of character from his punk past. A little joke for the parents watching. It's all very cute, the lyrics portray a father singing to his daughter about raising her up, and asking for a dance. It has such phrases as "I praised all your talents / I raised your allowance." The kids laugh and point and him while he's singing. What a tough crowd, you all don't deserve him! KEXP has a great listicle about all the best cameos by musicians on the show. Iggy Pop gets a mention but is not on the list since he's a repeating character and not a cameo.
Pit Stain has opens the closet door to reveal a shiny wet Pete.
Hairnet, holding the tub, "Are you nuts?"
He insists, "Wax me down." He's drenched in the fluid, and takes off to catch up to Pete.
Both of them careen down the halls on their stomachs like some kind of perverted bobsled race.
It looks like Pete has made it safely to the door.
He can leave the school without dancing even once. But he can see that Nona is in trouble.
Nona, stunned in this mortifying moment, is walking toward the stage to her dad. I never understood why she had this reaction. Why not just run away and hide?
At that moment, Pete hurls himself into the gym, and jumps up between the father and daughter. He offers his sticky self to dance with Nona. Little Pete risks his ego being crushed to save his friend's reputation.
"Maybe I could have the last dance with Nona?" says Pete.
Mr. Mecklenburg says with a strain, "But it's the last dance."
Pete says, "I know... but it's my first."
Mr. Mecklenburg understands, maybe thinking there's a budding romance between Pete and Nona. He backs off, kindly.
Pit Stain and crew enter the scene and get ready to witness Pete's emotional destruction.
Drawstring and Hairnet look like they also got drenched in floor wax. Maybe a scene of them sliding in the halls was later cut? You can almost barely tell with Hairnet, and I had to look back at later scenes to make sure Drawstring didn't just have a shiny jacket on the whole time.
Nona says, "Pete, you don't have to do this." Pete says, "Yeah I do." and he looks around the room, seeing all the approving, supportive faces.
The music starts, and Pete makes a little movement. In excitement, Nona starts jumping around trying to guide him in her dancing style (not too dissimilar to her father's). "I think I'll do it my own way," Pete says.
Pit Stain is crushed by the fact that Little Pete is having a good time dancing, and no one is making fun of him. Even Pit Stain's henchmen are getting funky despite all this.
On the side of the stage, the Gabby approaches Big Pete. "What happened to your girl friend?"
Pete explains, "She kind of left me for an older man." We see Melinda is getting down with Mr. Mecklenburg on the dance floor.
"Does that mean you're too brokenhearted to dance?
"I think I can handle it."
Big Pete and Gabby dance, and all is right with the world.
Big Pete ends the show with this narration:
"No records were broken. No lives were saved. No mysteries of the universe were solved. But for one dance everything was perfect."
I think this is a great episode about letting go of simple social fears, and being comfortable with yourself. Of course this is idealized in that underneath it all, Little Pete had a really good support system. He had the risk of Pit Stain actively trying to ruin him over his phobia, but the whole time his friends and family were trying to convince him there was nothing to worry about. I know how that can feel, when you convince yourself that you can't do something and everyone around you says "It's so easy!" It can actually be really difficult to absorb that. You end up feeling like a failure because its so easy for everyone else, but not for you for some reason.
Pit Stain wants Little Pete to feel the same level of humiliation he feels everyday for the nickname Little Pete gave him, and the difficulties of navigating middle school with his changing body. As evidenced by Little Pete's persona for this entire series, it doesn't seem like much gets in the way of Little Pete. He may be the ire of authority figures, but people like him, and he is able to move confidently through life. Discovering his one insecurity, Pit Stain jumped on the chance to take advantage of it. I'm not defending Pit Stain, since he is antagonizing and cruel, but with the excellent way this show was written, it's hard not to see the humanity in every character.
So far Little Pete has had the advantage of childhood innocence on his side. Now that he's older, new obstacles he never really imagined are coming into view. It's a feeling I think we all have experienced.
I don't have the tub of creamed corn Pete poisoned himself with in my pin shop, but I do have the Kreb Star Tapioca Pudding Pete pretended to poison himself with in the episode "Sick Day."
Check out my Etsy shop, SlushenMiner for this and more Pete and Pete pins!
