Ew... smell this.

So far I have only talked about documentaries that I liked watching. I'm sure you have taken my advice and viewed them (wink, wink). Documentaries are not all stuffy and boring. If I've taught you anything, it's that they can be entertaining, and give you a ton of conversation pieces for parties. However, there are still some films out there that have killed my buzz on one occasion or another. Today you will know about several documentaries that maybe you shouldn't watch, but I won't hate you for watching anyway... at least to see that I'm right.
In no real ranking order, but I numbered them anyway, here are the top four documentaries that I could not finish because they were so... terrible.

1. Eyes of the Mothman

This was surprisingly boring, since this film is about a man who looks like a moth, has a history of terrorizing a small town, and is the basis of one of the best horror movies. Heck! It's a true life monster movie! It was way too long at 2.5 hours. The first thirty minutes were spent discussing in detail a battle between settlers and Native Americans, told with the same three shots of an old white man playing the chief who supposedly cursed the Virginian town and summoned the Mothman. I love history, but this was so dry. If you still hold a flame in your heart from 2002, when you saw Mothman Prophesies, Eyes of the Mothman will blow on it until you're like, "stop it!" Then you should run away. That happened to me a half hour in.  

2. American Scary

 This could have been so fun and informative! American Scary is about the late night horror hosts of the 50s and 60s. (Think Elvira, the Cryptkeeper, Vincent Price). Apparently there were hundreds of these hosts; one for each local TV station across America. The film lacked what most documentaries have: an over-arching voice. Instead, it was all talking heads; one person after another expressing their opinions about favorite hosts and what was great about them. Heavy on the opinion, light on facts. I couldn't finish because I needed to take a break from hearing 50 different people smelling their own farts, and there was no end in sight. Look at the cast on imdb, I'm not exaggerating too much about the number. Imagine a merry-go-round of all these people recalling their fond memories of ghoulish hosts of yore. It's nice and all, but please someone make me feel like I'm learning and not just having a biased and one-sided conversation at a party with a lot of 45-year old cape enthusiasts.

3. America's Most Haunted Town

Other people don't like this either

 Cool concept, crazy boring. It's always hard to listen to interviews with people who are not public speakers. They can't all be camera-ready I suppose. People are people, and how appropriate to have real people in a documentary about a haunted small town. I don't remember what town it was, doesn't matter. The film had a rhythm of "um"s and "ah"s, that would drive you insane. More "um"s than interesting facts. I didn't even make it far enough to see that the movie get's even worse. Once it get's into the ghost stories, (you can see by the comments on the hulu page) the whole movie was pretty unconvincing anyway.

4. Tales of the Rat Fink

Ed "Big Daddy" Roth, car designer and creator of Rat Fink, is awesome, but once his cars started talking to the camera, I was out of there.