Adult ≠ Maturity

Why can't we all just act like adults? I'm not against the concept, I just don't think it's actually attainable.

All throughout childhood, we are accused of acting like a younger person. "You're acting like a 2-year-old." "Stop acting like a five-year-old" "What are you, twelve?" In high school we say, "This whole thing is so middle school!" In college we say, "Why does this have to be just like high school?" Still during college and well into adulthood we are very often caught saying about someone, "Why can't they just act like an adult about it?"

When I was in middle school - host to some of the cattiest times in a girl's life - my parents told me that I would be lamenting people's immaturity and selfishness throughout my whole life. Basically: It doesn't get better. The concept of being a full-fledged adult appears pretty unreachable, and expecting it of anyone will lead down a road of constant disappointment. Especially if you believe once you reach a certain age, it's the time everyone is going to stop doing the things that always pissed you off. 

It was hard to believe, but it is true that some people (not you nor I, of course) will always be (for lack of a better phrase) pieces of total shit from when they are kids until they die. It does get a little better, though. Any high school or middle school teacher can attest, the kids can be remarkably inconsiderate, to say the least. I suppose as a grown person, it becomes more discouraging when the occasional 40 year-old does something that brings you back to the 7th grade. It makes one think, "really? still? now? you? come on." People will do things that we try to characterize as immature; measuring their actions as those made by someone younger and less conscious of the world and how they effect others. While these are characteristics of a many children, most will grow to a good level of thoughtfulness, but some traits unfortunately wont be shaken.

As a 25 year-old I know that aspects of my behavior have definitely improved over the years, and maybe some haven't. No one is perfect, and I don't know anyone who I can confidently say follows all of the criteria of being a so-called adult (no offense). The aforementioned "criteria" is loose and changes to fit a person's needs for argument's sake.

It seems like whenever someone wants to make a person look worse, they can play the adult card. "Oh, grow up!" "You're just being immature." It's really easy to throw those phrases around, take a person down a notch, and make yourself look better. You're the one who is determining maturity so therefore you must be mature. Right? 

Here's the dictionary definition: 

ma·ture

[muh-toor, -tyoor, -choor, -chur] adjective  
1. complete in natural growth or development, as plant and animal forms: a mature rose bush.

2. ripe, as fruit, or fully aged, as cheese or wine.

3. fully developed in body or mind, as a person: a mature woman.

4. pertaining to or characteristic of full development: a mature appearance; fruit with a mature softness.

5. completed, perfected, or elaborated in full by the mind: mature plans.

The definition hints at behavior by using the word "mind" once, but it mostly just talks about fruit.

My boyfriend, Matt uses the phrase, "Be a human" which at first sounds incredibly condescending (of course I'm a human, what are you talking about?), but is actually a much more fair request than "Be an adult." Since acting like a so-called adult is an ambiguous expectation, one should try to be a good human being. It's something you can do at any age.

Apparently I have to start taking photos of rotting fruit for iStock

Once in middle school I saw a girl crying over a break-up, and a male teacher took her aside and told her that because she was crying, it only proved that she was too immature to have a boyfriend. That interaction has stayed with me. I tried to imagine a future where men and women interacted with no conflicts, if only because they were able to hold it all inside and not rock the boat. If there was one bs thing adults always tried to convince kids, it was that adults take care of things with maturity, and maturity means no crying or whining. While it's best to avoid whining and crying, it's unrealistic that it can all be eliminated if we all just bucked up and acted like "adults" damn it!

Considering the concept of not crying over a break-up as the hallmark of adulthood and maturity, (and not the characteristic of a sociopath) I think everyone can agree that no matter how old you are, a break-up is a break-up, and if being an adult means being a robot that amicably shakes hands with a lover as they tell you they found someone new, then I guess being an adult and being human are two completely different things.