Field of Pete: AKA, That Orange Lazarus Episode

I love Pete & Pete but I'm not a gushing fan of every episode. Maybe a better explanation is, I can now appreciate all episodes for what they are and what they were trying to achieve, but when the episode originally aired I wrote it off as a less than good episode. Season 2 Episode 2 "Field of Pete" is one of these episodes for me. It's a "sports" episode - not something I cared about at all as a kid.

In college, when I got the second season on DVD, I once again was not pleased with Field of Pete. This time I could get passed the baseball theme, but the plot just simply didn't make any sense to me. Now revisiting the episode over ten years later, I am more understanding of what the episode was trying to convey, even if there are some parts that don't completely gel.


S2 E2 - Air date: September 11, 1994

Big Pete is in a summertime, teenage, home town baseball league. I don't know how else to describe it, since it's not little league because they're too old, and it's also not affiliated with the local high school. Big Pete explains in his narration that he loves baseball, but he's never been on a winning team. This year he's on The Prosthetics (since it's sponsored by a prosthetics company, making their mascot a baseball player with several additional fake limbs).

It's a subtle detail that hard to catch. This is the best shot I could capture.

With a new manager, Mr. Ed Narrins (played by Nick Wyman) the team is doing incredibly well.

Ed Narrins is a severe man in a suit and hat who watches the games from his drivers seat, coaching from a megaphone, and ordering players who make errors to wash his car. He's got the persona of a G-Man crossed with a mob boss; he's rigid and seemingly dangerous. Like an ex-con he has "JUST WIN" tattooed on his knuckles.

Pete is happy about being a winner for once. After every game, the winning team gets to have free slushies from the Slush Shack. Ellen, ever the industrious entrepreneur, works as an apprentice to slush-master Bob Oppenheimer (played by Paul Lazar).

The boys get to have whatever flavor they desire, such as Lime Balthazar or Grape Judas, but Ed Narrins emerges from his car to ask for one flavor and one flavor only: an Orange Lazarus.

From the start the drink creates tension. It seems to be an Orange Julius style frozen drink. No big deal right? Wrong. Bob Oppenheimer does not want Mr. Narrins to have this beverage.

Oppenheimer calmly reminds Narrins that the Lazarus is not free with the promotion. He turns away as if Narrins would take no for an answer.

"Slush money." Narrins barks. He flicks a wad of bills at Oppenheimer. If it's not free, then money is no issue.

Oppenheimer is still not alright with this, but gives him the drink anyway.

Ellen asks Oppenheimer about the mysterious drink, since it's not on the menu. He tells her that he created the Orange Lazarus long ago, searching for beauty and perfection. Instead he made a drink so sweet and so cold, it was a "hedonistic nectar of greed and power." Oppenheimer warns that the drink is evil. "It's too tempting, too delicious - too cold. You think you drink it - oh no - it drinks you."

Clearly slushmaster Oppenheimer is a reference to J. Robert Oppenheimer, father of the atomic bomb; a man who later expressed his regrets for inventing this tool of death. The references are all over this episode, from the name "Oppenheimer" to the nuclear symbols on the machines, and some later quotes in the episode.
 

Mr. Narrins declares Orange Lazarus for everyone to raucous applause. Oppenheimer shouts, "what about the brain freeze!?!" The Orange Lazarus is so cold it can shut down your central nervous system in 1.2 seconds. Mr. Narrins only seems to be happy when he's drinking one. Big Pete says, "Some say he needed the subarctic cold to replenish the ice water that coursed through his veins."

There are two things I don't understand about this situation. One, brain freeze is terrible, why would you want to subject yourself to it?  They make it sound like the brain freeze is so extreme it's beyond pain. It's like a drug somehow. I can write it off as some kind of surreal concept that it somehow feels good to Mr. Narrins. The second issue is, if Oppenheimer thinks the drink is dangerous, why on earth does he still make it? Why does he still have the machine? Why does he have the ingredients? Why does he still have branded cups? Why doesn't he just tell Mr. Narrins that they don't sell it anymore? These questions are not answered.

The Prothetics are on a roll. They're constantly winning, and this seems to be attributed to Narrins strict style of coaching and the motivation for free slushies. Mr. Narrins is obsessed with winning, and drinking Orange Lazarus - even though these don't really have a direct correlation. His team doesn't have to win in order to get one, because the Orange Lazarus is not part of the free package, and Narrins is willing to pay for it every time anyway.

Teddy Foresman (played by David Martel) infects the majority of the Prosthetics after his parents make him get a flu shot (that's not really how that works...). Since the best players were calling out sick, the winning streak comes to a close. But Mr. Narrins comes up with a plan.
He talks to his cup of good old Lazarus, "Puny humans. I will make you proud of me, Lazarus."

Another great vanity plate for the Sideburn State

Narrins takes on another teammate to even things out. Little Pete joins the Prosthetics to sit on the bench and psych out all the opposing batters. Big Pete calls him "the Ty Cob of trash talk."

The batters strike out while Little Pete shouts gems at them like, "Hey batter batter! Sebaceous bloody sputum eater!"

And the pitchers are given the same treatment when the Prosthetics are up to bat. Sometimes Little Pete doesn't even have to hurl creative insults, just shout things that imply he knows about someone's deep dark secrets:

"Hot lather machine! Woo woo wee, genius!"

The curse seemed to be lifted. But Big Pete was beginning to feel like Narrins' approach to winning wasn't right. In Pete's opinion it was destroying baseball.

At the Slush Shack, Big Pete decides to tactfully confront Mr. Narrins while he pesters Oppenheimer for another Lazarus. After telling Narrins that he thinks their tactics are unsportsmanlike, Narrins basically tells Pete that he's one to talk. Everything Pete knows about baseball, he's learned from Narrins. With a threatening tone Narrins warns Pete that he took him from nothing to greatness. "I made you what you are, and you turned on me!" Narrins gives his final word, "Just win, baby." as he retreats to his icy fantasy.

Big Pete tries to walk away from that conversation convincing himself that Mr. Narrins was right. He repeats the phrase, "Just win, baby" to himself over and over agin.
 
Then, Pete's friend Bill Korn (played by Rick Barbarette - a series regular and fixture of Big Pete's friend group) is up to bat on the opposing team.

He knows Little Pete could destroy him. Big Pete says that word got out Little Pete had something on Bill that was so bad his family would have to move and change their name. Bill cracks immediately. Little Pete didn't have to say anything, just stare.

Bill announces, "I ate snot once! It was at the movie theater candy counter. I thought it was imitation butter topping!" The crowd is in stunned silence as he walks off the plate.

Little Pete smirks. Another one bites the dust.

Big Pete confronts Little Pete about the heckling. He tries to explain that baseball should be won fair and square by the team that plays the best game, not by hurling insults. Little Pete warns his older brother that if he tries to stop him, "I'll tell everyone why Mom doesn't let you buy lard anymore."

This shuts up Big Pete real fast. Meanwhile, Teddy Foresman is belligerently drunk off of Orange Lazarus, shouting "Buzz off Slushenheimer!" to Bob Oppenheimer while he warns Teddy to take it easy.

Later Teddy would have a brain freeze induced seizure, causing Oppenheimer to come to his aid and declare "I am become Slushmaster, destroyer of brains." based on the famous Oppenheimer quote, "Now I am become Death, destroyer of worlds."

Big Pete is torn. He loves that they're winning, but doesn't want to win dirty like this. I understand the conflict, but it is still not fully clear how the Orange Lazarus fits in. It may have been intended to be a B-plot that pays off in the end, but the importance of the drink keeps being highlighted, and the story behind it is much more mysterious and dynamic than that of Little Pete and Big Pete's morality tale. This is the moment where Big Pete realizes he can use the slush to save baseball.

Just as Oppenheimer is about to take an ax to his machine (and Ellen is trying to stop him because... reasons?) Big Pete burst in and tells Oppenheimer he needs 20 gallons of Orange Lazarus made for the championship game, as cold as he can make it.

Oppenheimer is reluctant at first, but Pete convinces him that he has a plan to save baseball with it. With Ellen's help, Oppenheimer sets the machines to extra frosty.

Oppenheimer: "It's madness."           Ellen: "So be it."

At the championship game, Little Pete is working his magic. We see him with a poster board presentation on an easel obstructed from our view. To the pitcher, "That is how you turn a colt into a geld."  The pitcher calmly throws a pitch, and the ball goes straight into the parking lot. 

Then, Oppenheimer and Ellen arrive at the field. Lazarus for all! Narrins is upset and confused about the disruption of the game. Big Pete immediately steps in and joyfully explains that they should take a break to sip some extra frosty Orange Lazarus.

At first Narrins calls this action unsportsmanlike, but then acquiesces and says "An empty chalice is a lonely chalice."

Little Pete is smart thought, and he accuses Big Pete of trickery. He makes Big Pete take the first sip. He might have faked the sip, insisting that it's good and cold. Soon the whole team has gathered around to drink. But the brain freeze is particularly bad with this batch.

 

With a fun house mirror camera lens, and music to match, the team is in a disoriented, brain-fried, stupor.

 

Narrins can't even get back into his car.  

Little Pete is too incapacitated to heckle. This allows the opposing team, Lincoln, to gain more runs, leading to a  tie with two outs in the bottom of the 9th. Big Pete calls a time out and gathers his team to strategize like real ball players.

Big Pete explains to Little Pete that they can play real baseball now, they don't need his "help." Narrins storms over and cuts deep into Big Pete, "I always knew you were a loser, but this is treason!" Narrins encourages Little Pete to lay into Big Pete with an insult, or something worse.

Little Pete smirks, "Who knew a spoonful of lard could be so explosive!" This is either a diarrhea joke or a masturbation joke. I'm going to lean toward masturbation, unless Big Pete has this undying love for eating lard that even diarrhea wont stop. If you recall, the secret is that Mom won't let Big Pete buy lard anymore. I mean, really, if something gives you diarrhea, why would you need someone else to actively prevent you from consuming it? Diarrhea is not fun - but you know what, neither is having brain freeze, yet here we are.

Big Pete is stalwart. "If you destroy me, you destroy baseball, the game that I love." After a stare-down, Little Pete turns on Narrins. All he has to do is say a few phrases to sufficiently freak him out.

"Gravy boat..... Elementary backstroke..... Maybe we should ask the squeezey salesman."
It's nonsensical, but it means something to Narrins, enough to get him stammering and backing away. "That wont be necessary." he says, and leaves like he killed someone once.

Narrins turns to grab the tub of Orange Lazarus. He speaks to it like a sentient being, "My frosty friend, our chariot awaits." He shouts back at Oppenheimer, "Lazarus will rise again Slushmaster!"

Oppenheimer retorts, "It is over Narrins and you know it!" letting him leave in disgrace.

Narrins runs away, pathetic and panicked. He seat-belts the tub into his car and drives away. Big Pete narrates that no one ever saw him again, and some people think he drove till the Lazarus ran out. 

The game had yet to be finished, but without Narrins poisoning the game of baseball, the boys were able to play on their own terms, "Not on the things that you say, but the things that you do."
In the end the Prosthetics lost the championship but Big Pete says that he still didn't feel like a failure.
He declares that him and his little brother saved the game of baseball that day. "As Usual" by Polaris plays out the episode.

Despite my mixed feelings about Field of Pete, it is a fan favorite, and you can't deny the iconography of the fictional Orange Lazarus. I made a T-shirt of the logo in college (among other designs based on Pete and Pete) and I currently have an enamel pin for sale in my Etsy shop, Slushenminer.

My Orange Lazarus T-shirt design. Maybe I'll bust out the ole silkscreen if anyone wants one...

PINS! Buy them HERE !

Please check out my shop, and keep tuning in for more Pete & Pete reviews this summer.

The Adventures of Pete and Pete Summer Series!

I hope everyone has been having a productive and relaxing Summer 2018. This summer I'm creating more content than ever! I had a goal to do a review of each summer themed episode of The Adventures of Pete and Pete - think the beach, public pools, road trips, and ice cream related drama.  My hope was to publish once a week - and you know what - I did it!

At the time of this posting I have not finished my reviews, so keep checking in for more installments.

The summer is a nostalgic time because we have so many good memories associated with it.  If you're having a crap summer, or forgot about the magic and wonder of being a kid on summer vacation, then please read up on these episode reviews. Come to a place where the 1990s are still happening, no one has cell phones, public pools are clean - save for an electric eel or two - and when it rains on the hot concrete it smells like summer.

Grounded For Life - Season 2 Episode 1 
Little Pete is grounded for a month for ruining his dad's lawn during a major lawn competition with their evil neighbor Mr. Lerdner. Unfortunately this falls during the 4th of July. Little Pete attempts to dig to freedom with the help of a new neighbor...

Splash Down - Season 3 Episode 4
Big Pete is happy to have a lifeguard job at the Wellsville Municipal Pool, but his dreams to become senior lifeguard are at odds with Little Pete's war on Adult Swim. Will Big Pete fight The Urinator, stop Little Pete's antics, get the girl, and become master of the pool before the end of the summer?

What We Did on Our Summer Vacation - Season 0 Episode 2
In this half hour special, we get a tour of your typical Wellsville summer. Big Pete, Ellen, and Little Pete make it their mission to befriend the local ice cream man, Mr. Tastee. But the kids get more than they bargained for.

King of the Road - Season 1 Episode 1
On their yearly trip to the Hoover Dam, Don has to fight for his title of "King of the Road" as they encounter a "perfect" family. Big Pete is the only family member who is in love with his female counterpart. Will the Wrigleys see eye to eye and persevere? Or will the unit crumble like a bad roof stack?

Field of Pete - Season 2 Episode 2
Big Pete is finally having a winning season on the Prosthetics baseball team, but something just doesn't feel right. The very essence of baseball is on the line as Big Pete wrestles with the guilt of winning with the aid of Little Pete's heckling power, Mr. Narrins' obsession with winning at all costs, and a slushy to end all slushies: The Orange Lazarus.

                                                                               

The Call - Season 2 Episode 3
It's the most brutally hot day of the summer, and a constantly ringing phone is putting Wellsville on edge. In a quest for glory both Petes have their own adventures trying to solve the mystery and save the summer. 

KING O FROD: The Wrigley's Family Vacation

They say it's not about the destination, it's about the journey. The exact starting point of the Wrigley's yearly road trip to the Hoover Dam is not exactly clear. The Adventures of Pete and Pete was filmed mostly in northern New Jersey, and it's possible their home town of  Wellsville is a fictionalized version of Wellsville, NY. The license plates on the show boast "The Sideburn State." Manly.

If they are from Wellsville, NY, the trip to Nevada would be a 35 hour drive.

You might wonder why not just take a five hour flight, time is money after all. But Don Wrigley has a passion for the road. He appreciates the time spent bonding with his family, and he has pride in his ability to navigate - nay - tame the open highway. He is, "King of the Road."

S1E1 - Air date: November 28, 1993

"King of the Road" is the first episode of the official first season of The Adventures of Pete and Pete. An episode like this is a good introduction to the universe of the show. It establishes the family dynamic, the personalities and drives of each character, and the general feel of the setting. What better way to accomplish this than setting this episode in a car driving across the country?

Big Pete narrates that his family takes a yearly trip to the Hoover Dam every year. His father, Don looks forward to it like a tribal ritual. It's a time to "learn what it means to be a family." Pete even suggests that Don becomes something more extraordinary on this pilgrimage. He has regular "dad powers" the rest of the time, but for the two weeks in the station wagon, Don was the King of the Road.

What made him king was paying attention to the three major dad driving categories:
1) Never asking for directions, no matter what.
2) Roof stack packing.
3) Making good time on the road.

Don even got a vanity plate to solidify the title, but the best the DMV could do was "King O Frod." During this trip, Don would have to defend his crown.

The episode kicks off with typical Pete and Pete oddness as Little Pete holds a harmonica out of the window, inexplicably causing it to play a song. Meanwhile, Joyce (aka Mom, played by Judy Grafe) is trying to enhance the signal of their local radio station with the metal plate in her head. Big Pete says that losing those stations, even with Mom's help, is a sign they were on their way to vacation.

They know for sure that there's no going back once they leave Artie's jurisdiction. For the uninitiated, Arite is the Strongest Man in the World, and Little Pete's personal super hero. He also might just be an insane man in long johns.

The trip starts off pleasantly. Don and Little Pete jeer at passing drivers with bad roof stacks. Little Pete is definitely more excited about the trip than Big Pete. He is enthusiastic about rallying behind his dad, and is positive about his dad's goals to be the best on the road. Big Pete has seen enough. At this point as a teenager he would rather not be stuck in the car with his family. Joyce wants to keep the peace. She supports Don, but reminds everyone to chill out with the "healthy competition" when it gets too rude, especially if Little Pete is involved. But Little Pete has the best insults at his disposal, you can't stifle a genius.

Big Pete notes his father's love of the Hoover Dam as an example of  man's ability to tame nature. He says that in a way Don thinks of fatherhood as an attempt to tame nature. This is difficult when you have a young son who is a wiz with electronics like Little Pete. He's made his own device to override the window controls.

I feel like Little Pete's ingenuity is not acknowledged enough as a major aspect to his personality. He is really smart if he comes up with these by himself.  Maybe it's because it was the 1990's and the internet wasn't much of a thing yet, but electricity and electronics play a large role in this series. Little Pete operates his own radio station, and he's often in possession of some bizarre and useful device that seems custom made. In this episode we also hear at length about the majesty of the Hoover Dam's hydro electric power. Don poetically describes hydroelectric power as sounding like a song. That exemplifies another aspect of the show, being almost romantically passionate about something otherwise mundane.

Throughout the episode we see the car trip pastimes of the Wrigleys, such as Road Kill Auto Bingo. Something that Joyce finds revolting, but Don encourages, because as Big Pete explains,

"Dad says sacrificing your life on the open road is the highest honor a lower life form can receive."

Don is sitting pretty with his elbow out the window. Big Pete explains it's scientifically proven that the amount of elbow a dad has out the window is directly proportional to how full of himself he is.

The episode has established enough hubris to officially begin this Greek tragedy.

Considering the family is way a head of schedule, Don is going to let them out of the car - a rare occurrence. As they're enjoying Sloppy Joe's and potato chips, Don continues to boast about his prowess on the road. He even thinks someone might recognize him at the pit stop, because of course word gets around on the road about who's the best.

Then Don spies a station wagon pull up next to his... 

It's like his car's evil twin. It has a perfect roof stack, and the driver is your quintessential perfect dad (Mr. Perfect is played by Geoff Pierson). He even has a perfect family, with a perfect wife and perfect daughters - pipe and all.

Don is threatened, but Big Pete is finally about to enjoy himself on this trip.

Big Pete is instantly head over heels for this nameless girl, which will be a theme for his character through many episodes of the show. The "Younger Perfect Daughter" (as stated on IMDB) says hello to Little Pete, trying to imply that the boys would couple off with the girls, but Little Pete's unflinching non-reaction shows that he's is more attuned to the tension of competition between the families, and also more concerned with loyalty.

Don is rattled. Mr. Perfect has the "KING OF ROAD" plate he couldn't get from the DMV.

Big Pete approaches the Perfect family's table, which is somehow an even nicer umbrella-covered, gingham-clothed table. Dumbstruck, Pete has a big Sloppy Joe stain on his shirt. Older Perfect Daughter (played by Jaclyn Thornberg -though she is a dead ringer for Selma Blair who is featured as a Big Pete love interest in Season 3!) is kind enough to offer him a pre-moistened wet nap.

They hit it off and go for a stroll. She goes on to tell him that she loves going on long road trips because "The rhythm of the road is like a song of desire." She is very deep and honestly doesn't need to impress him this much.

Meanwhile, Don is trying to round up the family in the middle of their lunch to get back on the road and be as far ahead of these people as possible.

Mr. Perfect is calmly eating corn on the cob and asks knowingly, "Making good time on your excursion?" Don stammers about getting back on the road.

Then he angrily takes the action figure of Captain Zornan off the hood ornament as Little Pete protests - as if it wasn't already there this whole time. This is the kind of thing Little Pete absolutely hates; not accepting his weirdness and quirks, especially if it's a family member against him. We would see more extreme version of this in later episodes mostly with story lines of Big Pete disappointing Little Pete.

As Don continuously honks the horn to get his attention, Big Pete continues to stroll with Older Perfect Daughter. She reveals that her family is also on the way to the Hoover Dam. She says she loves dams, and Big Pete tries to impress her with one of Don's lines about taming nature. She seductively retorts, "well you know, not all nature can be tamed." Big Pete is a bit floored. He leaves with the promise that they might meet again next to a turbine.

Pete is on cloud nine, and approaches the car excitedly stating that the Perfect family is going to the dam too, causing Don to floor it, practically leaving Big Pete behind.

The mood has shifted. Don's elbow is barely out of the window. Joyce is so upset she can't fold the map. Little Pete is drying out his tongue in protest.

Side note: All of the opening credit shots for the main family members in Season 1 are from this episode. Little Pete's clips are always true to his personality, so this tongue out the window thing is perfect.

Big Pete has fallen hard for this girl, and he writes love poems for her in the dust on the car. Big Pete narrates that he and his friend Ellen, who we know from the Nickelodeon shorts and the previous half hour specials, had decided to just remain friends (though it's a will-they-wont-they situation for the rest of the series). Pete is happy to have found someone new who "sent my heart spinning like a broken compass"

Another wrench is thrown in Don's plans when he turns on the windshield wipers and it inspires Little Pete to ask for another pit stop. Don doesn't want to stop and tries to encourage him to hold it because "Wrigleys know how to hold their water!" But Joyce is the voice of reason and insists they stop. Don pulls over and they do their business. In an appropriately visceral shot / sight gag, Don pours his coffee on the ground and yells for everyone to finish.

Joyce is taking the longest because she always "has to find the perfect spot."

She is shown frolicking in a field a la The Sound of Music. It starts to get dark and she's not back yet. Don shoots a flair for her and she finally gets back in the car.

As Don drives well into the night to make up for lost time, Big Pete stays awake thinking about her, and the mysteries of the road, like why is there always only one boot on the side of highway? and what are those green signs trying to tell us?

As "Everywhere" by Polaris plays - presumably on the radio - Pete laments about when you miss someone so much the saddest song always plays on the radio. This is a really good heartbreaking song for this scene.

The morning breaks with Joyce receiving a police radio signal talking about a "10-9er." Joyce wants to pull over and help, but Don is not having it. Then we see dramatic shots of what at code "10-9er" is: a garage door gone haywire.

As the report comes over the radio, we see Little Pete has his own garage door opener, knowingly causing the mayhem as they drive by.

Joyce has had enough of Don's imaginary competition. She says, "I'm ashamed of you!" Joyce has tried to be supportive but now she tears him apart, trying to expose Don's ideas as paranoid. She digs into Don, saying she thinks Mr. Perfect would pull over if someone needed help.

The family is unraveling. Don has lost control. He asks who wants to join the other family, which gets a unanimous vote of yes. Then Don says, "Go ahead, they're right behind us."

Like a perfect harmonious family, the Perfects are singing Row Your Boat in rounds, and then they sing it all again in French. They pass Don on the left, which means they're going 70 mph to Don's 55 mph. Mr. Perfect just broke the law by breaking the speed limit, and Don wont stoop to his level. As he rants, he asks Big Pete what he thinks. Pete swoons from his latest encounter with Older Perfect Daughter, parroting back from the song, "life is but a dream..." 

Don calls Big Pete and traitor and makes him stay in the way back or the open trunk area of the car - something that would be pretty illegal now, since there's no seat belt back there. Little Pete encourages Don to speed, "Let's dust him dad, come on crank it!" But Don insists he drives clean, and will beat them the Wrigley way. This means short cuts that get them completely lost. He wont break rule number one: no asking for directions - ever, to succeed at number three: making good time. Joyce begs him to ask, and even screams out of the car at passers by, only to have Don roll up the window on her. 

After another bathroom break - where Little Pete surely defiles someone's back yard - Don is defeated, lying on the hood of his car thinking about what he could have done.

Then Don hears the sound of electricity in the air, the song of the dam, and he knows they're close. These series of shots and electrical noises reminded me of some David Lynch vibes.

The Adventures of Pete and Pete

Fire Walk With Me

The Wrigleys have their second wind and are back on the road. Dad even has his elbow out of the window once again. But just as they think they have a leg up, the Perfects are back on their tail.

Joyce is officially shook. "What does he want from us??" Now she knows that Don was not imagining the competition.

Without breaking her Stepford Wife smile, Mrs. Perfect takes the wheel as Mr. Perfect climbs out of the window to start a roof stacking competition.

Joyce knows it's on. She tells Don, "Take him down Don. Take him down HARD." Big-band chase scene music queues, and the competition is in full swing.

Don and Mr. Perfect stack to perilous heights. Mr. Perfect doesn't say a word and smiles like a creep the whole time. Both families toss objects to their respective fathers for stacking. The floor of each car is telling of the personalities of the families. The Perfects have an immaculate carpet with items like dictionaries and spring water bottles.

The Wrigleys have a wrinkled carpet with potato chips and food mashed into it, and Captain Zornan.

Finally Captain Zornan is added to the very top of the stack, only to be outdone by a slightly taller decorative Asian figurine. The Perfects are so cultured.

Don accepts his defeat. The perfect dad was just too perfect.

Joyce consoles Don. Considering how crazy he was getting, losing didn't seem to get to him that much. He was taking it like a champ.

But then Big Pete noticed something. "I looked in dad's eyes and saw a man who gave all he had, not for just himself but for all of us. And I knew what it was like to be a family."

Big Pete takes a moment to look at Older Perfect Daughter one last time. "I knew I would never see her again, but I would never forget her face."

After mouthing "I'm sorry." to her, Big Pete starts removing his clothes. Don is confused at first, but Big Pete explains to his father, "We aren't perfect dad, we''re just... us."

Little Pete shouts, "We're mutants!" and starts taking his clothes off too.

Don is energized and knows exactly what Big Pete is getting at. "You're right, we're Wrigleys!" The whole family removed all their clothes to make their stack just that much higher and win the roof stacking competition.

As a prize, Don got to trade his license plate for Mr. Perfect's (that's not how license plates work, but it's just a show). Now Don has the proof that he's King of Road.

Big Pete notes that Mr. Perfect couldn't even look Don in the face when he won, but that could be due to the fact they were all buck naked.

Since this is a kids show, the above image is the shot that implied their nudity. Victorious and walking away as a stronger family unit, the Wrigleys end the episode with their elbows confidently jutting out of the station wagon. They can say that they won fairly, and they did it their way, as a family.

Like I said earlier, this episode is a perfect first episode to express how the family dynamic works and also how the individual characters are motivated. We see Don's sense of justice, competitiveness coupled with insecurity, and love of being a father. We see Joyce's kindness, and resourcefulness with her metal plate. We see Little Pete's oddball nature, with his gadgets, love of chaos, disdain for bland normality, and fierce loyalty. We see Big Pete's sentimentality, his desire for perfection and acceptance, but also his ability to come back to family and accepting the idea of being yourself.

I hope this summer, if you're traveling with your family or not, that you all have lasting memories on the road...

Next time, I will talk about an episode that I have mixed feelings about, but has been a creative inspiration to me....